CONT'D: A Big Deal | Page 1, 2, 3

"What did you get in there anyway?" the second student asked as he looked over at the brown paper bag.

"God, how could I forget?" He reached in pulling out two packs of Camel Lights and a pack of Dunhill Blues.

Smiling and shaking his head, the second student said, "That's what I love about you… you'll go distance for quality." Shaking his head some more he continued, "You would have walked to the smoke shop to get that precious pack of yours. So, let me try one of those."

"I have to warn you as your friend," the first student said smacking the head of the box against his palms, "that smoking cigarettes are hazardous to your heath. Let's see, it contains carbon monoxide and listen up this is important, you may result in fetal injury, premature birth, and low birth weight. Plus, on top of that, it's a filthy, dirty, and disgusting habit to start. If you've made it this far, there's no reason to begin now, you know."

"Oh, I'll take care of my dying uterus. I'm just learning from you to appreciate the finer things in life."

The first student handed and lit the cigarette for him, then took one for himself, lighting it and admiring it as if were a Cuban cigar. He had a way making habits look classy and done with the finesse of practiced technique. And despite a cynicism towards empty things that looked good, it made the second student happy that his friend could pull off looking like Carry Grant.

"Hey, we all know I have better ways of killing myself," the second student said.

"Though not effective."

Ignoring the first student, the second student continued, "Does life insurance cover suicides?"

"I don't know," the first student answered through a calm face that looked like it had been inured from old age.

"Someday if I ever get life insurance, I'll make you the benefactor of it. I don't think there's anyone else I know who would better use that money for the finer things in life. Yes, the finer things to be enjoyed. I think you'd do a pretty good job of it."

"Gee, does that mean you have to die?"

"Not unless you help me fake my own death. But then we'll have to split the money."

"No way man."

They had good laugh, then rode silently until they came to the first student's house off campus. Getting out of the car, the first student tossed a cigarette to his friend ~ one for the road.

As the second student drove off, the first student stood by the curbside until the car took a right and disappeared amongst the traffic of headlights. He backed away from the curb but still stood there, wondering what he'd actually do with the money.

Who knows?

Maybe he was going to drive to Boston and buy a ticket and leave the country as he always said he might some day. Or perhaps he'll drive on up into New Hampshire then to Maine, pass out and not know how he got there. It wouldn't be the first time. Nor would it be surprising if he tried to kill himself again. If he did, it would be the third time in the last month. The doctors say he's getting better though, but I'm not sure. For now he says he can stay at school. I suppose I have to trust him. Then again, perhaps he was going to go home to his dorm room, watch TV, then grab some dinner with his roommate, and I'm just making a big deal about nothing. Nothing at all. I don't know… he would say its just another metaphor for life.

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Jon Chang lives and writes in New York City.
E-mail: jjhchang@hotmail.com