Where Have All the Rock Stars Gone?

By Brendan Clarke
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January 4, 2000 | Page 1, 2, 3

If the latest MTV Video Music Awards are any indication, the rebellious spirit of rock and roll is receding faster than David Lee Roth's hairline. Much to the squealing delight of teenage girls, their over-concerned mothers, and disturbed middle-aged loners, prize after prize were awarded to gracious, impeccably-groomed pop stars with perfect smiles and million-dollar manners. Ricky Martin, N Sync, Brittney Spears, Backstreet Boys, Christina Aguilera, 98 Degrees--our charts are topped by nauseatingly innocuous Stepford husbands and wives, causing one to wonder who the hell is buying this crap. In the prophetic words of the late brilliant comic Bill Hicks, "Is there that much babysitting money being passed around?"

Granted, this white-washed phenomenon is nothing new. Pop music has always been populated by media-friendly teeny boppers, the Nelson, Osmond, and Partridge Families providing as much musical invention and attitude as a box of Pull 'Em Up Huggies. But usually, most pop stars had at least a modicum of sexuality inherent in their images. Elvis, the ultimate pop star, had his entire lower body censored on the Ed Sullivan Show just in case his hip swivels reminded a nation of frustrated suburban house fraus that they were still functioning below the belt. Hell, even Madonna, the '80's queen of vacuous pop, blatantly advertises that she loves to fuck, early and often, men, women, sheep, fresh fruit, and miscellaneous (a la Dennis Rodman). Simple, heart-warming ideas such as irresponsible sex, recklessness, and self-destruction are sadly missing in action from today's pop scene.

In the not-too-distant past, this roll-over user-friendliness was a non-issue, because the "Top 40" world was gloriously offset by the existence of true rock and rollers who garnished a devilish glee from spitting in the face of middle America's puritan sensibilities. While acne-clad minors swooned to Davey Jones crooning "Daydream Believer," Jimi Hendrix busted fuddy-duddy eardrums with his flaming-guitar and acid-dropping psychedelia. While tight-pantsed Leif Garrett swayed his little booty for the feather-haired roller disco queens, Jimmy Page ate tuna fish out of underage girls' honeypots. More recently, as Debbie Gibson and Tiffany battled it out for mall rat supremacy, Axl Rose and Slash spewed forth their racist, heterosexist, misogynist (and just about any other "ist" you can come up with) drunken ramblings, much to the chagrin of every church group in America. Not that careless ignorance is right, but it's certainly a refreshing change from an all-too-serious world.

Where has that self-destructive soul gone in the oversensitive nineties? As the MTV awards rolled on, the cavalcade of perfectly constructed cheekbones and grateful accolades ceased for a moment for the "Best Rock Video" presentation, which was won by head-banging hard rockers Korn. Finally, here are some serious rock stars who are sure to swear, urinate, or otherwise expose this "awards show" for the inane sham that it really is.

"We're so grateful for this award. We've worked so long and hard to get it..."

Sadly, no punchline was forthcoming. Korn was genuinely grateful for winning a fucking MTV award. But wait a minute... aren't these guys shit-kicking, no-compromise rockers? Shouldn't they loathe MTV and the empty artlessness it propogates? Or aren't they in the least bit tempted to shock the mindless lemmings tuned in by mocking the faux-importance of this non-event? Come on-even softy Fiona Apple said "bullshit" in her acceptance speech. Is one middle finger too much to ask?

Rock stars aren't supposed to be nice, well behaved, or eternally grateful for meaningless corporate awards. They're supposed to be representatives of disillusioned youth, frightening parents and embodying a true freedom about which most of us only dream. They're supposed to be crude, soulful anti-heroes. Does this ethos exist anymore, or has Viacom purchased the rights to the rock and roll spirit? We must examine today's "rockers" for even a glimmer of hope for the future:

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