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CONT'D: TV's Ten Sexiest Women | Page 1, 2, 3 Nicole Sullivan Mad TV Loveline's Adam Carolla once described Sullivan as "cute as a bug's butt." And she is. But behind her sweetly pursed lips and delightful pug nose abides a comic daring and surprising range that has become the centerpiece of Fox's Mad TV. The show's writing is much ballsier than rival Saturday Night Live (a Mad TV highlight: a skit featuring Martin Luther King on Def Comedy Jam) allowing Sullivan to portray hotter, more controversial characters than SNL's Cheri Oteri or Molly Shannon would be allowed to touch. And Sullivan runs with the ball, parodying racism with her Vancome Lady, a boozed-up Archie Bunker with a beehive. But it was a skit in which she "broke up" with a malfunctioning ATM ("You're just not giving to this relationship anymore") that first drew me to this blonde buttercup. Even in the constructed silliness of sketch comedy, Sullivan's sweet side sometimes shines through and marks her as a talent to watch in the future. I know I'll be watching every move, barring any future restraining orders. Connie Britton and Jennifer Esposito Spin City Choosing between this dynamic duo would be just too heart-rending to bear, so I am compelled to include both saucy Spin City dishes in my sexy stew. Though Britton, who plays red-headed neurotic Nikki with the world-class rack, and Esposito, the spicy party girl Stacey with the figure approaching perfection, appear diametrically different in look and demeanor, both contribute equally to the sultry spark of the ABC sit-com. Of course, the very clever writing helps, as do the talents of their coworkers comprising the best ensemble on television today. And let's not forget the ladies' wardrobes-dressing Esposito in her skin-tight skirts probably requires a tattoo artist and Britton's sweaters exemplify the very best in gravity-defying architecture. If ladies as talented, funny, and breathtaking as this precious pair really worked in the New York mayor's office, Giuliani wouldn't have time to harass the poor upstanding patrons of America's finest pornography purveyors. But what if I had to choose? Connie or Jennifer? Jennifer or Connie? I suppose I would lean slightly toward Britton's gentle nuttiness. But then again, Esposito embodies a very appealing lust for life. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to love them both. Danielle Fischel Boy Meets World I know, I know--the youthful Fischel represents just the sort of teeny-bopper Tiger Beat centerfold that I decried at the opening. But I just can't help myself. Those sweet, bee-stung lips; those deep, soulful eyes... hmph. Upon discovering Danielle as Topanga, Cory's (Ben Savage) long-time girlfriend, I was struck by her wholesome sexiness and surprising believability. Instead of an untouchable teen cream dream queen typical of teenage comedy, Fischel delivers us the cute girl-next-door who grew up to be a knockout on her own terms of beauty. After I wiped the drool from my chin, I was also surprised to discover that, unlike its fellow T. G. I. F. shallow-fests, Boy Meets World is actually good. The young actors exhibit comic timing and seasoning beyond their years, the humor is quirky, and the subject-matter, while occasionally heavy-handed, is never dumbed down, such as in other teen angst tableaus. But as the loyal, loving girlfriend, Fischel steals the show, setting the hormones of pubescent boys everywhere racing. And though I'm not a teenage boy anymore, sweet Topanga rekindles sparkling memories within me: my first date, my first kiss, and of course, my first statutory rape conviction. Angie Harmon Law & Order Sex appeal is hard to come by on a libido-free drama such as the excellent Law & Order, but Harmon seeps carnality through her power business attire. As tough assistant district attorney Abbie Carmichael, Harmon portrays a fearless, highly-motivated ball buster, which is not in itself the most endearing or attractive archetype, especially for meek men such as myself. But the almost playful, "go ahead and try me" passion with which she sticks it to murderers, rapists, and occasionally her partner Jack McCoy (Sam Waterston) yield a palpable vibrancy that, in any fertile male imagination, is easily transferred from the courtroom to the bedroom. Add her husky Demi Moore voice and adorable chin cleft, and the imposing Ms. Harmon gives panting audience members motivation to enroll in law school, and maybe even pay off the student loans. Maura Tierney Newsradio After the death of the great Phil Hartman, Newsradio just wasn't the same. Still, last year's cancellation of the quirky cult favorite sadly marked the end of a noble effort that was, in it's prime, as funny, subtle, and original as any sitcom in TV history. Thanks, in large part, to the delightful Tierney whose career-driven intellectual reporter Lisa Miller provided the college girl coquetry and high-brow humor to wonderfully offset the physical buffoonery of the show's less cerebral characters. Lisa's forbidden office romance with program director Dave Nelson (Dave Foley) provided the sexual centerpiece of the show, but it was the sweet peeks into Lisa's rebellious past (just a little arson) and secret turn-ons (yelling at Dave) that stirred loins a-dancing. Cute and brainy, Tierney is also a skilled comedienne and actor, as her successful turn in the surprisingly well-done Ben Affleck-Sandra Bullock vehicle Forces of Nature showcased, so hopefully Maura isn't going anywhere. But a little piece of my heart will die with Lisa Miller, only to be resuscitated by re-runs. I think Hartman's Bill McNeill captured my cravings perfectly when he asked, after learning that Lisa spent some time in juvey: "Is anyone else turned on?" You know I am, Bill. You know I am. And there we have it. Ten diverse, complex women from different
walks of small screen life who can adjust my vertical hold any time.
Not only have these ladies earned starring roles in my naughtiest
of dreams, but they have also earned respect for starring in quality
shows with good writing and talented actors. So while lately
most guys are finding their cheap thrills in the cineplexes with
pubescent, cleavage-laden slasher films, I will be admiring my broadcast
beauties from the comfort of my own couch, with my remote in my
hand, and of course, no pants on.
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