|
Ask
Velvet! Quickies by
Velvet Brown Is it true that bleu cheese gets its color from mold? -Chuck Yes, it’s true. Why do you think it smells like moldy cheese? Because that’s what it is. Next? What do you think of Al Gore? -Bill ...who? Next? What do you think of George W. Bush? -Bill ...what? Next? Pavement: pretentious snots or sly geniuses? -Ricky Sly geniuses, and cute to boot. Next? I’m confused. Can you explain the theory of relativity? -Dirk Sure thing. As Einstein so famously put it, E=mc2. In layperson terms, this means that if you square c and multiply it by m, the answer will always be E. Try it at home and see for yourself! Is feminism dead? -Gloria No way, man... Ms. Next? Is everyone except me doing something wild and exciting for New Year’s Eve this year? I feel so unhip. -Jane Fret not, sweet Jane. People like to talk big, but when push comes to shove you know all your friends will wind up sitting on the couch drinking Asti and watching Dick Clark. Next? What’s the funniest word you know? -Dave Gerbil. Next? Are there any shows left on TV that aren’t produced by David E. Kelley? -Mikey No. From now on, all the cheetahs on the Animal Channel will be wearing miniskirts and having love triangles. Next? Sometimes at night I dream I’m cutting my toenails, then I wake up and find out that I really was cutting my toenails, and last night I dreamt I was giving my boyfriend a manicure and I woke up and I was. What do you think this means? -Leeza Next? ---------- |
