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Confused?
Angry? Not sure what to wear? Ask Velvet!
by
Velvet Brown
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January 1, 2000
Buzz buzz, worker bees! Today Velvet addresses
troubles on the job.
Dear Velvet,
Last month I started work as a secretary at a large web design company.
It’s a fast-paced environment, which is fine, but there’s one thing
that really bothers me: nobody can remember my name. I’ve been there
for five weeks and my supervisors are still calling me “you, in
the blue dress.” I don’t know what to do. Should I say something?
I mean, I know everyone’s busy, but how hard is a name? Am I being
oversensitive, or is there a problem here? -Me, in the blue dress
Dear Me,
Dear me! You say you’ve been there over a month and no one remembers
your name? And you don’t know what to do? Honey, meekness went out
several decades ago. Start by reminding people (politely) of your
name. If this doesn’t work, remind people (loudly) of your name.
If this doesn’t work, start wearing a ‘hello my name is...’ sticker.
And do it pointedly, if you get my drift. If this doesn’t work,
you’re either employed by morons or jerks. In which case, I recommend
stealing some pens and finding another job.
Dear Velvet,
I’m sick of people using the phrase ‘burger flipper’ as shorthand
for someone in a dead-end job. I happen to work in a highly respected,
upscale New York restaurant that happens to serve hamburgers (luncheon
menu only). As part of my job, I do, indeed, flip said burgers.
Thus I am technically a ‘burger flipper,’ am I not? Yet I do not
wear a garish yellow paper hat, I have never asked a customer if
he or she “wants fries with that,” and I happen to own an extensive
collection of vintage Judy Garland memorabilia. May I propose that
we, as a society, use the term ‘burger flipper’ with a bit more
discretion from now on? -Steamed
Dear Steamed,
I happen to believe that a burger is a burger and flipping is flipping.
I also happen to believe that the distance between pommes frites
and french fries is mostly illusion and oil. Not that the illusion
isn’t fun, mind you - it is, and I enjoy it as much as anyone. Nevertheless,
let’s finish dessert and get the reality check, shall we? You seem
unduly defensive and resentful, and to me that usually signals some
kind of repression or self-loathing. Perhaps you feel your talents
are being underused at your upscale restaurant, or that you’d really
rather be doing something else with your life. Perhaps you secretly
dream of drowning the pastry chef in a vat of melted Valhrona so
you can have his job. Perhaps you have a fantasy of ditching the
city and moving out to New Mexico to open a burrito stand. I think
it’s time for you to take stock, my dear, and I don’t mean fish
fumet.
Dear Velvet,
There’s this girl I really want to date, but the trouble is she’s
always working. Every time I suggest we do something, she can’t
because she has to work. Last weekend I asked her to go to a movie
and she said she couldn’t, she had to go to the office! On a Saturday!
Frankly, I’m starting to get worried. Is workaholism a treatable
disease? -Concerned Guy
Dear Concerned Guy,
Yes, workaholism is treatable (but can be a subborn, lingering condition
- especially in Americans). However, my radar detects a distinct
possibility that there’s something more going on here. Has it ever
occurred to you that this girl simply does not want to date you,
and is making excuses to avoid you? I don’t want to be harsh, but
I can’t help wondering. What you need to do is determine if her
superbusy work schedule is the result of a perfectionist’s zeal
or the result of a desire to make you go away. If it’s the former,
point out that all work and no play is a one-way ticket to premature
aging and burnout. If it’s the latter, quit the puppy-dog-nipping-at-the-heels
act, gather the shards of your heart, chin up, and move on.
Dear Velvet,
I think I’d make a great advice columnist. Everyone comes to me
with their problems, and they say I always help them figure things
out. How do I get your job? -Abby
Dear Abby,
Offer me a large sum of money.
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Velvet
Brown is PopPulse’s arbiter of good taste and decorum. Submit your
questions by emailing velvet@poppulse.com.
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